Will Date for Food

A few months ago a story broke from my home state of Washington about a man who took his nine year old with him to a mini mart where he proceeded to rob it at gunpoint - claiming he had lost his job and needed financial help to raise the daughter, Meadow.

I've been thinking about that story quite a bit recently, and wondering how many of the unemployed people in this economy find themselves desperately considering less-than-legal-or-ethical means of making the almighty dollar. 

The question is no longer "How Low Can You Go?" but rather, "How Low WILL You Go?"

I wonder when I myself will consider sex, drugs and rock 'n roll as legitimate forms of income. Don't misunderstand me - it's not as if I'm getting offers to star in porn or swallow bags of heroin and run across the border on a daily basis. And even if I did find myself in possession of one or two extra bottles of Vicodin or Percoset - I don't have the foggiest idea of how to move it - What do you do? Sell that stuff on Craigslist? Good Grief.

Clearly, hard core criminality is not for me. So what else is there? Stripping? I'm sure The Dream Palace is always hiring, and even if I don't make much money, writing about the shady world of strip clubs worked like a charm for Diablo Cody with Candy Girl - and look where the writer of Juno is now! Somehow though, I don't think the book buying public needs TWO memoirs of a middle class stripper.

As freshmen at Arizona State University, my college roommate and I used to play a game called "Who can see the most movies for free?" Although the game was mostly a joke, it's true that shortly after orientation we had been introduced to the value (financial or otherwise) of casual dating - and an addiction was born.  With both of us having been firmly attached to specific sweethearts throughout high school, college offered us the opportunity to get to know some wonderful and some not-so-wonderful men, and revel in the movies, dinners, drinks and weekend trips that every savvy girl experiences on the dating scene.  Ah the good ole days when I was just expected to show up, look cute, make good conversation and say thank you.  

Wait just a minute! I'm still perfectly capable of those things! In fact, now that I've perfected fashionably late - casual dating should be even better!  So long feminist ideals and Hello Sugar Daddies! Anyone up for the job? I promise to be charming and fabulous so long as you give me enough time for me to volunteer, and have no problem investing in the multiple business start ups I am currently working on.

While I wait for Mr. Eligible Wealthy Bachelor to come along, I must do something, for a girl cannot live on blogging alone.  What will it be - Burger King? Nah, too greasy. Landscaping? No way - too sweaty and upper body strength is not exactly my calling card. Professional poker playing takes up too many nights, and gas station attendant puts me too close for comfort with potential gun-wielding Fathers Of The Year. Alright, so slinging coffee at Starbucks it is.  Who knows? Maybe I'll meet my future employer in the drive thru? One can only hope.